Wisdom from Del: How to Disagree in Love

When I went to a folder of writings from SIA's founder, Del Anderson (1906-2008), for inspiration today, this page popped out to me. It feels particularly relevant in a time of so much division in the US and around the world. ~ Tanya

When one holds a spiritual conviction close and dear to one's heart, a conviction which has come to be identified with that illusive ingredient we call TRUTH, it is difficult to encounter those who may be in opposition to that conviction.

Despite our belief that our convictions are God-given, these are generally our own opinions, formed on the basis of the kind of life experience we have had. Since everyone's life experience is different, it is impossible to expect everyone to carry the same convictions, even within the community of faith.

What do we do when we encounter someone with whom we have serious or even violent disagreement? The first thing we need to do is remind ourselves that people are more important than ideas. To alienate ourselves from a person because of a disagreement over an idea is foolish and immature.

The second thing is to assess the nature of the disagreement and try to understand why we are so upset. Why is this matter causing us such anxiety? Is it not a signal for us to look within instead of lashing out in anger at someone else? Those things which cause us distress and alarm are generally hints that we still have some inner work to do. The soul thoroughly grounded in God’s love will be able to make gentle responses to the other person, even when there are differences of opinion.

The third thing is to try to model one's behavior after that of Jesus. He was volatile and openly antagonistic towards only one group of people: the religionists of his day, who were hypocritical and uncaring of others. Jesus became aroused where injustices and mistreatment of others were being performed, but otherwise Jesus maintained a serenity and calm that nothing in life seemed able to destroy.

To disagree is normal, even within the family of God. But to extend those disagreements to the point of abuse and hostility is a disgrace to the name we profess to carry.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Del and Bebe Anderson meet with Boy Scouts in Japan in 1956. Del was a Boy Scout Troop Leader in Oakland, CA, for many years.